sooooooo.

interview tomorrow! at tescos.

eak im so nervous.

and confused.......

like part of me wants this job so bad and apart of me

doesnt care if i dont get it, ive had that many rejection

letters and im just ready to pack up and go move to cyprus.

(if my grandma would let me come with her).

everyones pushing me to get a job when they know i dont

wanto be here, its so frustrating.

I hate it here, it makes me feel soooo much worse.

im never goin to stop feeling depressed

stop with all this paranoier, anxiety shit.

if i dont get out of here..

and stop with the eating obsessive (maybe i dont want to stop with that?)

maybe i do... but i cant. ARGH im so confused.

sorry guys, had a pretty rubish 2 days, once again.

hopefully if i do get this job, (not sure how many hours, days etc)

but i can fast the days i work. and it will mean more walking etc.

so maybe its a good thing.

idk, will let you know how it goes on..

hope all is well for all you lot.xxxxx

will update on blogs later, or tomorrow... sorry! so tierd,

need to practise questions, pick outfits.

ETC. im so obsessive eurghhhhhhh.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

okokok.

so the 5 bite didnt work for me lol.

im to obsessd with my calories.

i have to know what calories im having.

so ive had 1 packet of crisps (Eehh i know) but only 97 cals.

and i had some soup. which was 54 calories

so like 151 cals today.. and i had a 40 min walk.

today has been so depressing my so worn out by crying.

My eyes are so heavy. Im so heavy.

yeah the scales didnt work out, mum didnt give me as much money

as i thought she would :/ bitccccccccch. lol

( i did own some scales but me nan hid them from me)

so yeahhhhh.

not very talkative today..

thanks for your comments yesturday guys.

your all so kind, and luvleh.

and your all my inspirations!

i mean that!

Thanks.

xxxxxxxxxx

smiling but were close to tears..

HEY NEW FOLLOWERS!

hey guys, sorry i havent written in a few days..

i duno why i suppose i kind of felt bad? 

you guys are doing so well, and im doing so bad.

my calorie intakes go up and down up and down.

i need to get my control back.

tomorrow is a new week. 

im doing the 5 bite thing..

i saw on prettythin it sounds good..

and this time im going to exersise a hell of alot more!

ive copied and pasted for some of you who havent heard of it..

I did this diet for 5 days before I went on vacation a few weeks ago and lost 6lbs (about 3 kilos)  That's over 1lb every day!  This is what the diet consists of:

- Eat no breakfast

- Eat 5 bites of anything for lunch

- Eat 5 bites of anything for dinner

- No snacking!

- Drink lots and lots of liquids, under 5 cal.

"So this diet works like magic if you're commited to it"

alot of people do it of there, and has said to loose like 1lb a day!

so im defo gna try this starting tomorrow.

anyway, i dont know how i feel tbh.. like

i feel positive about tomorrow, but this week has been so horrible.

I told my mom that i started like feeling low and depressed again, and she was 

just like yeah thats cos ur sat at home doing nothing all day..

"feeling sorry for your self"

so yeah. cant really talk to her about fuck all.

anyways weve talked about me moving to cyprus, my grandma has a house over there..

and god that would be my dream, just to start fresh yano? to many bad memories here.

theyve said i have to learn greek though first.. so i can get a job and stuff 

which is pretty damn hard lol, so im thinking learn as much as i can then after xmas.. for my birthday in feb

go over there and take classes and you know like socialise with the cypriots which will help me 

learn more i suppose.

ive finally downloaded wintergirls and wasted of prettythin!

im so happy im reading wintergirls atm and im really into it.

anyways, im going to bed.. im so tierd recently even thought

ive been lazy and sleeping in very late! lol.

buying some scales tomorrow. cant wait

night guys.. will catch up on all your blogs tomorrow :)

xxxxxxx

Sometimes i sit, just think and stare,

most of the time i just dont care.

surrounded by them things i fear.

Overpowering them things 

i once held so dear,

What id do to go way back,

To laugh + sing, them things i lack.

My mind is spinning,yearning,careering.

Sometimes it seems this world is winning.

today, could've been better..

enough said.

hope you are all ok!

<3

Now i just want to be scraggy

i want my skinny jeans to be baggy,

i want a jaw line

to come in time.

Along with my stick arms+legs

just like yours and megs

so now i have my heart set on thin

as everyone knows thin is in.

<3

Thanks for all your comments last night,

i feel much better... i went to the toilet 3 times last night which made me feel a little lighter ;p 

to much info i know but!

i did 300 sit ups, and my weights

no jumping jacks tho :/ mum slept downstares and not enough

room in mine...

mom was of work today so couldnt do any then,

but i was suprised she didnt ask me or force me to have dinner or breakfast

so i had no breakfast or dinner, for tea i had a bit of chicken casarol thing

i think thats what its called? aha, which im really not sure how many cals that is..

but it had mostly veg in and i didnt have a big serving..

but i do admit i had a penguin! and a glass of milk,

was feeling a bit dizzy and just felt sooo sleepy so thought it might

help me feel better, which it did. 

tomorrow, im going to go for a walk and get some new scales!!

i say this to my self everyday but i need to do it 

i hate going out incase i see people but i need some scales

i hate not having some..

might be babysitting aswell tomorrow, which will burn more calories

and wont have to eat much as will be focused and busy on the kids!

Not much more to report! 

going to watch one tree hill, and then at 10 o clock

john james and josie : what happend next? .. cant wait!!

its on channel 5 :) if any1 knows them haha, i love them.

anyway hope your all doing well have read through most of your blogged,

sorry if i havent commented will be back at 11 and do some more then :)

thanks again for commenting yesturday! really cheered me up.

btw heres some thinspo... and if ive repeated them or used them before im sorry!

got a folder full of them and loose track on which ones ive used and havent haha.

<3