Wednesday, 24 November 2010

liquid fast tomorrow! and the next and then next.
im not goin to put a time limit on it as i think that
kinda adds more pressure if that makes sense,
going to do it for as long as i can.

hope your all ok, thanks again for all your comments,
been really busy this week with the new course,
so i will defo update on all your blogs soon.
(well comment, as ive still been reading them ... how can i not
go without reading all your blogs?!?!)

Sunday, 21 November 2010

.. How often do you weigh your self?
I tend to do it every morning, but ive got a real erg to weigh my self more in the day.
& what exercises do you think are the best for lower abs, going
to make a new work out routine.

Saturday, 20 November 2010

Hiaaaa gawjus girliesssssssss!

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start.
-Fall for you 
 SecondHand serenade
Love this song.

fasting for the weekend, saturday and sunday....
its 3:40 and not had anything, tummys rumbling.
I love the sound of my tummy rumbling
I love feeling so cold when im meant to be warm
I love how excited i get when i know ive done well, to weigh my self. even though at the same time im dreading it.
I love the empty feeling before i get into bed.
I love the fact i havent been on my period for ages. (sad I know) 
I love all of my followers and i love all there blogs.
I would love to say i love my life. But i dont.
I love reading.
I love drawing.
I love photography.
I LOVE cinnamonbrown's Journal! -

Im feeling good today i think? i say i think because im not sure how i feel happy that my control is back but i feel annoyed that the only thing that is ever on my mind is food, calories, exercise, weighing. I just want to be a normal 16 year old, I want to have my social life back, i want to have my best friend back. 

I want alot of things ;)
but the main thing i WANT is to prove everyone wrong, i will be beautiful and thin.
And you girlies have inspired me so much i just want to thank all of you. I really appreciate
all your comments you ever leave me, and all your blogs! I hope your all well. I promise You will all have a comment from me in the next 2 hours! im reading wintergirls atm inbetween reading blogs.

Oh quick question, does anyone have a texting buddy? or emailing buddy etc, i was just woundering if they actually help? cos ive seen people ask for them on pretty thin and stuff but i was thinking, Isent it awkward because the only thing you will be talking about is food? if that makes sense, if i had one i would love to have one to talk to about everything you know, just have normal convos not just about food. Anyway :) Sorry ive blabbered on abit!!


Thursday, 18 November 2010

When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have
 thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else.

- Joseph campbell
Im sorry about the last post.
Just kinda needed to let something out lol..

Today i had
Break fast: Yogurt : 98 cals, ate half
Lunch: Nothinggg.
Dinner: Cuppa Soup, 58 cals.
exercise: 300 jumping jacks,
going to do some crunches and sit ups later.
so far so good!

Anyway ive come to the conclusion the more
i eat the more shit i feel haha! so been eating like below 600 cals
this week, and on top of that other 3lbs ive lost another 3lbs.
im happy :).
Ive bought some scales wooooooooooop.
 I start this kind of college course next week so maybe, 
that will start making me feel a bit more happier...
and it also means alot more walking and not eating in the day..
but telling my mom i have eaten tehe. im getting so good at lieing to my mom.
i do feel bad but then i think wellllllll shes going to have a nice thin daughter for christmas lol.
so im now at 8 stone, with a bmi of 19.

gotta go back into school next weeek
just to get my art and textiles stuff
and certificates as ive left.
They already know alot about me,
and they noticed a change in my weight 
before, but now its changed more.
so im excited to see some reactions and get some compliements lol.
so my motivation is 'THURSDAY' :)

Hope your all well thanks
for your supportive comments last post.
They mean so much to me.
i will make sure i comment your blogs tomorrow.
I have been reading them all btw,
i just havent had enough energy to comment.
no offence, (sorry if that sounds offfffensive!) 


P.s with adding pictures i useto be able to upload a few at the same time, but
some reason i cant do that anymore, can anyone else? 

Love this one ^^^^

Monday, 15 November 2010

Ive lost 3lbs.
So why aren't I happy?
I should be.


I cry.
I cut.
I cry.
I cut.
I cry more.
I cut more.
I cry.

Wish this would stop.
I hate feeling like this.
I wish I could just end everything.

Sunday, 14 November 2010

I feel great today, I haven't
eaten anything :) and im going to do exercises soon
and im actually excited to do them lol! sad i know.
But I feel like I have my control back.
and I have missed it so much!

Tomorrow im going to fast..
Ive also got a class to go to 
country training thing at 12:30 which is a big
step for me I think, because its with other people
and i haven't socialised with people my ages for a long time lol.
But ive decided im going to wake up early and I WILL go buy some scales,
i know ive said this 100000000 times before, but I mean it. I don know how ive lasted
with out scales for so long, but i need them now. I need to see how much im loosing.

Im so bored right now, waiting for x factor!
there's not many posts today.......
hope everyone's ok!

eurgh i havent been sleeping well for ages,
and its starting to show, dark circles under my eyes
GOD i hate them, its making me even more paranoid. 
Nothing will cover them up.

Just want to say a big thank you too ALL of you who commented
on my last post about my profile picture it made me feel so much better.
and it made me smile for the first time day!
I really love you guys so much, and im getting more followers each day.
So a big HELLO! to my new followers.

Ive just started shakingf, 
]:S im not sure why......
my hands are freezing, im freezing..
my stomach is so mad at me right now lol.
But it will be happier in the end :) 
when its nice and thin.

mom's just texted me (from downstairs lol)
asking me if i want any apple crumble and custard
im so tempted.

Nope not going to ruin this day with REGRET.
Anyway's going to catch up on moreeeeeeeee blogs.
Hope your all doing fine!
Stay strong luvlehs.

x x x x x x x x x 

I love photography,
So i thought i'd add some cute pictures 
that i love, .. Maybe with a few sneaky thinspos ;)