hello!!!!!!!!!
bad news, ive been eating.
good news, i still fit into my new size 10 jeans.. thinking how long for though ?????
ive been argueing with my mom alot lately which i hate but sometimes i just have enough of her i just cant deal with her. so im going back to my gdads on sunday.. going to go running and do alot more excersise im lacking.


ANYWAY not going to talk about food.
im pretty pissed of, but im happy but pissed of lol. sounds weird but ye? i dunno ive been reading most of your blogs and its just cheered me up. but the thing im pissed of about is i cant get a job!!! and I applied at debenhams recently it said they were looking for staff, and this georgous girl recently got a job there i noticed on fb, use to go to my school like. but im thinking its funny how she can get a job there but i cant?? obviously because shes so much prettier and skinnier than me, i know that probably sounds stupid but its how i feel ive applied everywhere and im just getting so depressed sat at home!!!


i really want to move to cyprus, i have friends over there.. and get a job, maybe sell my stuff like photos and my clothes i make. i wish i could maybe after christmas?? need to persuade my mom to buy me a plane ticket if i havent got a job by then. i hate it here.. there is really nothing here for me, I dont go out i dont have a life.


i was watching fearn cotton and  perez hilton and it motivvated me to write more on my blogs and just keep doing it... dont get me wrong i love doing it and it helps me loads but sometimes when im in one of my shitty moods i just really dont feel like it, but i always read everyone elses lol. Anyway ive decided after this post im going to read through all of my followers blogs and all the people im following and just start speaking to you all because there's only a few that comment on my blog posts (2).. i really appreicate that btw! :)  i wasnt sure where to comment back to though? so i did it underneath your comments i hope you noticed! i havent been ignoring... i love reading comments it just makes me feel like someone is actually interested and you know. well yeah lol.


btw im inlove with the scripts new album, i would definatley recomend it.


ive been having horrible dreams again past couple of months and i hate them, im either not sleeping at all or im sleeping but waking up every hour from a bad dream it seems to be the same for a week then different one for a week then back to the same one.. ARGH!!! nothing ever goes right for me lol.. lets get the violins out ;)


anyway think im going to go sleeeeeeeeeeep!
i shall blog tomorrow aswell i think. and talk about what ive done in the day as its saturday..
i dont normally talk about what i do in a day because i dont do anything lol?? but hopefully ill do something interesting to talk about tomorrow before i go on sunday for like a week lol! ajdkasje,kjsadkasl;3eia[d.


yessssssssssssssss. ok good night :) 
btw commented ona few blogs if i havent commented on yours its not because ive decided not to but i will have more time tomorrow to read through propally and take time in comenting lol tomorrow :) xxxxxxxxxx

helooooooooo!
this is going to be a very short post as my mum will be back any minuite and have to go meet my grandad because im staying it his for about 4 days!!!! im tottaly dreading it hes going to make me eat so much hes always going on how much weight ive lost arghhhhhh.. iv uploaded some fitness videos to phone so can do them at night and because he lives in country side and has dogs i can use them as an exscuse to go for a walk and run.... anyway ive been doing really good lost about 5lbs sinceee a week and half ago.. this blog is helping me loads helping me stay in control thanks for following guys :) will update in 4 days. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

why are my blog entries showing my last ones to my new ones ? :S can any1 help lol :)

hey 6 followers :) lol
maybe you shud comment and say hi :) none of my followers really speak so i dont know if you take any notice in what i write but any how i just like to let it all of on here.


OMG my mom has gone and bought some nutella!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arhh im so tempted to had 1 piece of toast ?????
thinking ive only had some soup 68cals and an orange?
anyone?????? suggestions... going walking tomorrow could burn of with some situps.. or is it just toooooo much. one piece may lead to another etc??? or have the piece of toast then go to bed... hmmm so confusing!!!


btw ive been editing my blog so it looks all messy....
and yes i know the side photos are the same every 3 photos but i thought it looked quite cool :)))
im not sure how to add a skin from html :( so ive been just adding my own stuff so ill have to learn how to do the skin bit.... still in process so it looks quite poop atm lol...




yes im still thinking about the nutella >:(


ok soooo i had 1 slice very thinnly nuttella toasttttt and i made sure it was thinnn!
didnt really enjoy it tbh! at all. not how i remember it lol.
anyway ive been doing an 8 minuite work out plus 50 situps and going for a long walk tomoz
soooo it would of helped burn some calories i hope :)
i also wanto put this link up, some people might really think its stupid buttt the face is one of the main bits i worry about being fat and i found this kind of face excersice :S it seems ok very easyy so im gna keep doing them... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc-Vnf2FmwU&feature=related
 :)

wowowoow i have 4 followers :))).
havent been writing on here for past few days think its because i binged and purged and i suppose i just didnt wanto write about it lol. but today has beeeeen great :))))). done about 300 jumping jacks, 50 situps so far! andd drumrolllls haha only eaten half a packet of noodles, and one mikado thing (which is only 10 cals) which i thought was great considering it was chocolate haha. yesturday i binged on choc and crisps ugh :/ was doing so well aswell its night time when it gets harder when everyones home and tempting me lol!!... but i purged soo i felt abit better after but still very guilty becos i didnt enjoy doing it. also i turned down some chippy chips!! which was good for me aha there always my weakness.


Anyway ive been doing alot of painting and drawing recently so ill have to start putting pics up to show :) i forgot how much i enjoyed doing it and how much time it took up. I also love photography so ill put up some of my own pictures :)


Everyones talking about collegeeeeeeee! and i wish i had the guts to go :( i think ive already said it in another post though. stupid anxiety.. i just hate people. i hate going out and i hate staying at home bored, but id rather stay at home exercise loads than go out and see people :S weird aint i. lol. I wanted to talk about my best matee shes in recovery or shes been in recovery from anorexia, we dont really speak anymore.. but she was different she told everyone about it she made sure she got attention from it.. and im going to sound really bitchy but i just need to let it out.. when i started suffering with depression and axiety with panic attacks she suddenly did. so the school obviously thought we was copying each other but it was like she liked all the attention and she did it on purpose to get the attention.. i hated it and still do, well i like it when people say oh you look great have you lost weight or something but i dont go round saying to everyone i have a problem with food :S i just find it weird that she would like it. and she was the first and only person i told about purging and about my problems and then funny enough she said she did the same :s at first i thought oh i spose its good ill have someone to talk to who knows how it feels but i didnt notice any weight loss or anything for a while and marks on her hand didnt notice which i have marks frm purging on knuckles. ANYWAY thats ok now let it of i know she cant be making it up cos shes in recovery now but i just found it a bit coincidental :S if that makes sense.


about (C) we still talk and were still as close as ever, even closer tbh and i really like him, and i cannot wait to meet him tehe! :)




heres some pictures ive taken..

ill put on few more next time :) 
now some thinspo picssssss.




outtttttttttttttttt
(L)(L)(L)(L)

im so upset, i dont even feel like writing tonight.

yayayay actually been looking forward to writing this, its such a good way to release everything, so much better than writing in my diary as i get nervous incase my mom finds it but yeah.
Today another successful day....
ready break 150 cals
soup- 68 cals, ate it in two halfs which filled me up more :)
and an orange.. 45 cals - was a small one.
so 263 cals. 
200 situps, really need to start doing more excersice, lack of sleep making me become more and more lazy!
going to the job centre tomorrow eak! which i hope i find a job as it will hopefully be walking distance and ill be on my feet most of the day instead of sitting around doing nothing, wish i had the guts to go to college.. stupid anxiety. 
4 o clock i finally went to sleep last night, going to see if i can get in there early.
might edit this again later if i cant sleep lol.


outtttttttttttttttttt.
(L)(L)(L)(L)


found aload of new thinspo pics!


These kind are my best thinspo pics, where they are like real girls same age etc, i prefer using these than celebritys ones more realistic i suppose im not sure why :s not in a creepy way lol. but ye, ive got all these of a thinspo website so if anyone is ever reading this and it is you or someone you know and want them taken off i will obviously do that asap :) 


Read this somewhere and it made me chuckle...

Before marriage....

Husband: Aahhh cant wait can hardly wait
Wife: Do you want me 2 leave?
Husband: Dont even think about it
Wife: Do you love me?
Husband: of course always have, always will
Wife: Have you cheated on me?
Husband: No, why you even asking
Wife: Will you kiss me?
Husband: Every chance i get!
Wife: Will you hit me?
Husband: Hell no are you crazy
Wife: Can i trust you?
Husband: Yes
Wife: Darling

After marriage
Now read from bottom to top=))

        

Success!

Today has been good, better than the past 3 days.
ive had some fish for tea, with green beans which in total i reckon about 200 cal. or maybe less?
the fish was in a sauce with a total of 144 but scraped most of the sauce of.
btw im currently doing the low cal 1 meal a day. i lost alot by doing it before so yeah hopefully it will keep working.
anyway, i haven't done much exercise which i really need to start doing. 
50 sit ups, few crunches thats all.
made an Ana box today, haven't finished it, good way to distract my self.


Also, (A) who i was talking about yesterday spoke to me last night, he kept trying didnt say anything about what he did just kept trying to start convos and i wasnt really having any of it was being sarky and rude to him just like he was to me, but he said in the end.. oh you've took it serious then? .. i was like fuming >:| if it was a joke why couldnt he have said joke straight after? but instead he just sed dno tbh and that was it.. but anyway were on speaking terms now well we was all last night but he hasnt spoke to day so i never know with him!




outttttttttttttttttttt.
(L)(L)(L)(L)










10:30 - going to bed
12:45 cant sleep!!!
2:10 and im still not asleep.
3:25 still not asleep

I'm sick of feeling like such a failure, at everything i FAIL. so this voice in my had keeps saying.
i am starting to really listen her now, my sleep is getting worse i just feel so low.
my first blog entry, i'm not always this moany i swear lol.


On top of that, have some boy trouble..
(A) - ill call him, hes older than me and we talk alot, i met him online aswell as (C), (A) lives near me and i just felt really close to him, but turns out hes a right player. and i dont even know why it bothers me that much.. hes changed he talks to me like really dirty now and i dont like stuff like that tbh especially ATM when ive got all this stuff going on in my head about how i look and stuff then there's him wanting me to do stuff with him.. and he called me boring, so i said why speak to me then? and he replies with 'dno tbh!' so yeah it did upset me that he said that and i thought to my self uno what im not going to keep running back to him all the time so i you know fuck it.
and (C) hes perfect, we talk everyday hes so good to me but it sucks that he lives over 2 hours away, but hes so sweet and he says that we will meet up, so that is my motivation gotta look good for when i meet up with him! -


Enough ranting. its good to let it all out though! :)




outtttttttttttttt.
(L)(L)(L)(L)






Tomorrows another day.